January 21, 2017
Guys, I feel gross.
For months now I have felt unsatisfied with myself. I would ask what do you want to do today Chielsea? What would make you happy?
I would turn to the foodie side of me that wants to try all the new stuff everywhere. Slowly but surely my cravings for food left me feeling empty every time I finished a plate.
Then I turned to looking for experiences. I went on a wild ride of partying and drinking. Yet in the chaos of dancing and people buying me drinks I look at myself and I’m not happy. Sure! I looked great with my party squad. We were the group with the gorgeous ladies and muscle ripped men. It wasn’t until all the alcohol caught up to me that in my every night bare belly skin tight outfit that I saw myself and had to face the truth.
I was not happy with my body.
Sure, I am healthy but I have been better.
After realizing this truth a fire burned inside me that wants to just aggressively and dare I admit it, recklessly get into better shape. I knew the path I was formulating was wrong but I craved those results.
Thankfully, people that care about me took notice and shared their ideas.
No matter how much I workout, I can’t reach my goal if my diet doesn’t change. After a ton of calculations, the truth stared at me. I’ve been eating wrong. Despite not eating chips, candy, and not drinking soda, it was not enough to reach what I want.
Today I am starting my first healthy, weight loss, and muscle build meal plan.
It is a challenge but I know it takes time to train yourself to eat this way.
So how bad do I want it?
I guess we will see in a few months.
Oh wow. Umm. You’re definitely right about my busy schedule! Which makes me think that you know me well.
Though to answer your question, MAYBE during winter break I’m open to MAYBE starting something new.
Finals week is here and I barely even have time to sleep and eat. Problem is if I start something new what’s gonna happen during spring semester?
I am a full time student and a full time and more employee.
In my previous relationship, I saw him late at night which deprived me of sleep. During the day hours that I do see him, I slept most of the time.
So to complete my answer, I do really miss all the cuddling and constant presence… it’s just up to you if you are able to accommodate my schedule. With that, you have to be emotionally mature enough to understand that even if I spend all my time studying at Starbucks, I still care about you. Even so, I want you sitting next to me studying or doing whatever you need to do without talking to me for an hour or two. And that is a DIFFICULT emotional commitment to undertake. And it is exactly what I’m asking for.
Going on from here I know that I will be studying 24/7 till my doctorates so if I do start a relationship most days will be only a good morning and a good night text. Yet I still wish that on certain days when I’m studying someone will just hold me from behind and just sit there. Me focused studying while being held would be the best thing right now! Ahaha.